well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize