I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
