I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
