i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Let's paint friendship bongs
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
