I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
