How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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