I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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