guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
