if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
