that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
