I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
