try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
