The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
whose parrot is this?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize