You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
