If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
