how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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