He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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