I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
