dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
