I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
