youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
