Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
