after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
