if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
