I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
As shirtless as possible
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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