There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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