My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
