so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
