i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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