Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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