the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
