I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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