Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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