I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
