Having a random hookup so left but love u
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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