Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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