i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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