I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
