he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
