So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
