White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
