i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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