at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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