Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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