I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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