I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
