ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
