Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
