she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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