A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
