YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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