Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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