Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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