i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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