i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
