I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
