I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
