I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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