We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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