you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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