Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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