Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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