So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
