somebody snuck up and got me drunk
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think my moral compass just broke
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