cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
