ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
