I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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