No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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