he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
