i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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