Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
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