I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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