if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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