I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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