I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
