R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
