Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
