Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
